One of my close friends recently started trying for a baby with her 2nd husband. Since she is 40, she was having some difficulties, so she received an IVF treatment. At nine 1/2 weeks, she had an ultrasound and was informed she was having not one, not two, but THREE babies! She has been very upset and depressed the past week because she feels bad for her fifteen yr old son. It is against her religion to do a selective reduction. As a friend, what can I do to help her? Parents who went through a tough time like this, I am looking for some help here!
I’m so stressed because on top of this, my neice Katelyn was pawned off on me yesterday to state with us until today. Now, like I guessed, they are unable to pick the child up because they have to go into work at 1 A.M. tonight. I do not purchase 1 bit of it! We also are going away to Disney in merely a few weeks, and I have SO much to pack and get done! At this point, if it was not for the kids, I would’ve called Disney off!
Can anyone offer me tips? I am sorry for the rambling I wanted to vent a little.
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I just have to say that yes she took the risks and should feel blessed but I am certain she did not expect this. The goal of IVF or any fertility treatments is ONE baby, not multiples. It may not seem it but even twins are very rare. The odds of 3 implanting are about 0000000001%. I am sure she is happy to be pregnant but imagine how she is feeling. Carrying multiples is a very high risk pregnancy especially after 40. It is risky for her heath and the health of her babies. I am positive she will have to be on bed rest for a great deal of her pregnancy. Even then, there is a high risks that one or all of these babies will end up in NICU for a time. I am praying this is not the case but there is also a risk that one or all of these babies won’t survive. I have a friend who conceived triplet (she transferred two embryos and one split). She was not able to carry to term because she ended up having a related heart condition and her babies ended up in NICU for many weeks and eventually lost their lives. Your friend will be blessed if all of these babies are born healthy. So I bet she is pretty stressed too. I am sure she is upset and depressed as well because is carrying a high risks pregnancy, will be in bed for much of it, she does not have much money, and she is on medication right now, has lots of pregnancy hormones in her system that are knocking her sideways too.
You are busy. You have a life too and your friend knows this. If you really want to help her than help her when you can. You can offer to take her son to the movies or over for dinner so she can rest, you can offer to do any shopping for her or prepare or bring her meals, get her some books or DVD’s, lend an ear for her to vent, and you can offer lots of prayers that she and her children stay healthy.
Have fun in Disney!
i believe God will take care of your friend and her 15 yrs old
15 is going to be a way help and blessing maybe you can start a diaper drive for her . AS for your trip i am jealous THINK of it as something you can do that most cant right now
I love to vent esp here it seems we all go through crap and need to talk it out
Good luck to your friend I have some baby girl clothes if she needs them ? email me at sillynicoleh@yahoo.com
Personally, I think she should count her blessings, all three of them.
As someone who has lost a twin, I don’t like the thought of someone moaning about extra children when I would give anything to have mine back.
My tip to you is to just stay hopefull, and gratefull that although things could have gone a million times worse, it’s didn’t, and you should thank God for it!
i’ve never been in that situation (and i hope i never have multiples) but she just needs to give her 15 yr old all the attention possible before the babies get here. and she needs to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him about the babies and how he feels about the situation. and she needs to explain to him that this doesn’t mean she will love him any less, etc.
and you can do something just by being supportive of your friend.
as for your niece.. wow just pawning her off on you! that is not right and i would demand payment. seriously.
and as for your disney trip, don’t stress out about that. you’ll get that together soon enough. you still have some weeks.
just relax. take a hot bath and read a book. i suggest the letters to penthouse books. i love those when i take a hot bath..
Sounds like you need a bubble bath, glass of wine, a good book, and no interruptions for about an hour. *Sigh* I’ve been there.
For your friend: Right now a lot of what she’s probably feeling is shock, so just be supportive of her. Soon she’ll see that she’s been given these three little blessings for a reason and she’ll be able to sit back and celebrate the lives that she is creating.
For your niece: The situation is just a wee bit vague so I’m not sure if I can give much advice. If your relatives (not sure if its blood or in-laws) do this to you often, you’re just going to have to put your foot down and say “I’m sorry, but I’m far too busy with my own family & events right now to do your parenting for you.” It sounds like this girl doesn’t have much in the way of “parents” in her life so maybe instead of thinking of it as her being pawned off on you, you could view it as your home being a calm port in otherwise rough seas (not sure if this helps, but like I said, I’m kinda wingin’ it a little bit without more info about the situation).
As for tips, see what I wrote first. I think a few minutes to yourself (no matter when & where you can find them) will work wonders for you! Good Luck!!
your friend risked this with ivf - so it really shouldn’t be surprising to her. you can’t do anything to help her except be her friend like normal. you’ve got enough on your plate anyway. learn to say no sometimes.
and don’t stress over disney - you can always buy what you need and kids can wear clothes twice. i think you’re missing the whole point of a disney trip if you are going to stress yourself out. the kids will remember if you were smiling or yelling, not what you packed.
Me and my mom are going to answer this one, with a quick comment : MULTIPLES ARE A BLESSING !
God has chosen her to have 3 children ! That is a miracle, and she is blessed.
When she did the IVF, she signed a form that said there is a chance of multiples. She accepted this when she signed, she should accept it now (not to be harsh)
The child is 15. He is no longer needy, and dependant on his parents, he is growing up and doesn’t need attention 24/7.
Our family has 4 singletons, then triplet boys, and then surprise twin girls. No IVF ever, and the first 3 kids were adopted. (14, 11, 9, 5, 3, 3, 3, 1, 1)
We accepted it, and it is a big change, but she will love it ! It’s not always easy, but it is deffinitely fun and we wouldn’t change it for the world.
If she can afford IVF (which can run upwards of 15 000 dollars every month) she should be able to afford the babies. I know it sounds mean, but it’s true. If she wasn’t ready for the outcome, she shouldn’t have done it at all.
Now, for Katelyn (PS : I love that name, it’s my sisters name too :)) . You either need to call CPS for child neglect or sit down and have a very serious talk with the parents about their schedules. You are a Saint, all you have done, you shouldn’t be expected to take care of more kids.
Sorry if we weren’t much help.
Have fun in Disney !!
~Alicia and Liz